I was scared, I was furious, I was never so mad. For a moment I was able to kill others and myself. For the first time in my life, I felt that I could go crazy and lose control of myself. I felt like I was burning. And… Yes, and it was after wonderful moments of elation, awareness, and wisdom.

The more conscious I become, the worse things I can see about myself. So I saw it.

I was aware that it was emotions and that it would pass, but the madness remained.

I let many things go away from my life. But I left myself a small security box, the last rescue wheel.

And I was happy that if I fucked up, I would have a rescue wheel.

I did wonderful things, I acted with panache, but to a certain limit. How was it going to be doing dangerously, badly, the moment when the air from the rescue wheel started to come down. I was crazy, I started doing stupid things, I started to fight for life like a madman. I saw my worst emotions that were deeply hidden and I was afraid to see them before.

I was afraid that I would lose control of my life. It was the fight of my mind, the ego that got into the worst of it.

Then I gave up. Like losing a war on the battlefield and dying. I totally gave up and recognized my fall, the worst thing I was afraid of. After death, relief came.

I understood that my mind can no longer manage and control my life. It was a life of a human, a mind who wants to survive and not live like a master.

Ego is fighting for life. He struggles and tries to eliminate his opponents. This is not the life of a master.

He is looking for security. He is calm as he is safe, he goes mad as he feels threatened.

The mind of a human does not know his greatest potentials, desires and why he came here. He just wants to survive.

I let my illusions die, the life that human created. I was sad that I chose so little and did not take everything from life. Only I lived to a minimum to feel safe and survive.

I set my limits. I placed myself in my tight crystal.

I entered so deeply into human experience that I forgot who I was.

I knew it would happen.

I chose it consciously as a master before I came here on Earth.

I have now reached a point where I can clearly see that I have hidden from myself.

All human experiences were great. But it’s time to start a new chapter.

Master’s life. Going beyond the human imagination and the ego’s mind and desires.

My master self was always with me and watched my experiences. There has never been a separation.

It was just an illusion that I created myself, and I allowed it.

Now is the time to expand beyond this.

And so it is…

~Saint Egoist