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FEAR OF MYSELF

  • February 18, 2018
  • by Saint Egoist

I was afraid of my wisdom… All my life I tried to be kind to others and diminished myself to fit society. I was scared to be myself because I was afraid that I would not be accepted by others. Lack of acceptance meant lack of self-love. I was looking for love outside of myself. As I fit into society, it means that others accept me and I can love myself. If my thinking, wisdom, knowledge went beyond the limits of the average person, I pretended to be a fool, and I would do ridiculous things just to hide. My sense of humor and entertainment was a cover before showing myself in full, in being transparent, of being WHO I AM.
As I realized that what I hold in my heart is my greatest treasure, diamond, uniqueness that I can share with others and that I do not need anyone’s acceptance from outside. And that I can love myself unconditionally, that I do not need any confirmations from the outside world, from other people. Then I saw my grandeur, greatness, dignity, self-esteem.
I also saw the same beauty in other people and fully accepted them as they are without judging. Without comparing them to each other and that they are exactly where they should be. I do not want to change them. I felt great love, gratitude to all people and deep joy and lightness.

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